who would've thought.... =P

warning: this is the long entry i mentioned previously...it's been in the works for a really long time. it's deep and tough and hopefully you have the patience to read it through.

today, i graduated from college. after 4 long years of laughter, tears, joy, and sadness. the biggest and most influential chapter of my life is now over. in the last 4 years, i have struggled through college, fallen in love, had my bouts with God (still having them), gained and lost friends, went through a lot with family, had my life completely turned around, had doors slammed in my face, learned a lot more than i ever thought i could from friends, gained a family that i'll always cherish and remember, and LIVED. when i'm old and gray and rocking away on a porch somewhere, i can look back and say that i've spent my four years in college living life the way it should be lived. should i have done some things differently? made some better choices? acted differently? yea, probably. actually, more like i definitely should have been smarter about some things. but i don't regret a single day at all. i have learned and grown so much in the last 4 years, i can barely even remember what i was like in high school.

this past year has definitely been the toughest, yet the most memorable. when i turned 21, i definitely thought that i would be having the best year of my life. finally legal, able to do what i want to do, carefree without a worry in the world. then what? my life fell apart. or so i thought. in the midst of emotions (i'm clearly a feelings person), i let a relationship get out of hand and become the center of my life. everything revolved around him, and when i "lost" him, i thought that my life was over. ironically, this occurred at the same time that i was baptized...coincidence? i think not. God had intentionally allow this relationship to crumble so that i could concentrate on the plan he had for me. this also happened in the same week that i found out that i'd be on the servant team for aacf this year as their large group coordinator. was that something i could've done while being so focused on someone? God didn't think so, and now when i think about it, i don't think so either!

anyway, everything took a long time to settle in for me. it was a long time before i realized what had happened, and how many changes there were. unfortunately for me, for him, for my family, and for my friends, i learned a lesson the hard way. by being so focused on me, me, and me all the time, i had completely taken for granted all those around me who were supportive and loving. instead, i yelled at them, i argued with them, i picked fights. yet they still loved me, listened to me, let me cry on their shoulders. they allowed me to see that my life was NOT over - in fact, it was truly just the beginning.

so now i was starting my last year in college after a summer that didn't go the way that i had hoped it would. i definitely thought that i'd be having a bad year, but that all changed the very day i went back to school for RA training - august 17. being surrounded by a different group of friends made all the difference in the world. soon i became really busy with all that i had to do - RA, aacf, class, work, a life! my senior year has been the most hectic in terms of time and getting everything done, but it's also been the biggest blessing. i learned to depend on friends and family, and started to get my life back on track. my relationship with the big man even improved! by like ten fold, haha. when i went home for the first time a month later, my mom asked me if i was happy. i looked at her with a puzzled look, but smiled and answered 'yes.' she started smiling and said, 'good. you finally look happy.'

almost a year later, i'm a different person. i'd like to say that i grew up a lot and that i've used my past experiences and those around me to shape me into the karen you all know now. it's been a tough battle, and i'm still fighting and making mistakes, but that's okay. i like making mistakes, even though it takes me a long time to learn life lessons. making mistakes reminds me that i'm imperfect, and that reminds me of how good God is. His timing and his plan are amazinggggg, and i feel so dumb for ever doubting him.


to aacf - my family, my encouragement, my hope for the future of nyu. you're all extremely amazing people, and it's been a great time this past year as your friend, leader, and sister. i've had the awesome opportunity of witnessing first hand how God has worked in each of your lives. stay true to what you believe in - we live in a corrupt society with people who tell us all sorts of things. just remember what you believe in, and you'll be fine. love the following incoming classes with as much compassion and care that you show each other. always take the time to PRAY and ask each other about their days. i can't wait to come back and visit and see how much you're all changing our school. i love you all, for keeping me sane despite everything. thank you :)

hayden hotties - haha what can i say? we're just a pretty good looking group of people who love to hang out, eat, and be real. you've all be extremely vital in teaching me tough lessons this past year, and for that, i owe you an eternity's worth of hugs. for those that a graduating, i know you're all going to do great things because of your amazing personalities and drive to have fun in life above all else. everyone else, you have a couple of years left to leave your mark on this school and those around you - leave a good mark, okay? learn to love everyone around you, and try not to judge a book by its cover (i know, i'm guilty too). stay awesome, stay hot :D

there are a certain group of friends who have literally CHANGED my life this year with their presence and constant loving. i don't have to list - you should know who you are. i owe you guys my life. thanks for always sticking by me even when i'm a horrible person =P


college is over, but the next chapter of my life is ready and waiting to start. i'm excited for what's going to happen, and for how much i'm gonna be broken and molded to be the person i was made to be :)

[thanks for reading all the way to the end...this entry has a lot, and it's deep and personal. i think only 5 people know about this blog, but most of you won't read it, but that's okay.]


peace out homefries :D
love,
karebear